FAVE Your Way to Success: A Coaching and Self-Coaching Approach
Ever had one of those “Am I doing this right?” moments—whether as a coach guiding someone or just navigating your own inner monologue? (Spoiler: We all have.)
Good coaching isn’t just about asking powerful questions or nodding at the right time (though a well-timed nod is an art form). It’s about communication that shifts perspectives and sparks action. And that’s where the FAVE model comes in—First Acknowledge, Validate, Empathise, and Empower.
The best part? You don’t just use this for coaching others—it’s a game-changer for self-coaching too. So whether you’re leading a client, mentoring a team, or giving yourself a much-needed pep talk in the bathroom mirror (no judgment), FAVE is your go-to guide for breakthrough moments.
1. First, Acknowledge (F) – The Reality Check Without the Drama
For Coaching Others:
Before you jump into fixing, solving, or motivating, pause and acknowledge where the other person is at. It sounds simple, but too often, we rush past this step (because let’s be honest, we all love a good solution).
🔷 Example:
Client: “I feel stuck. I keep making the same mistakes.”
Coach: “I hear you. You’ve been trying different things, but the results aren’t lining up yet.”
No judgment. No “Well, have you tried…” (because they probably have). Just a simple reflection that tells them, “I see you. You’re not crazy. This is where you’re at, and that’s okay.”
For Self-Coaching:
Instead of beating yourself up (which is about as productive as trying to train a cat to do taxes), acknowledge your reality without the self-sabotage.
🔷 Example:
Instead of: “Why am I like this? I always procrastinate!”
Try: “Okay, I’m procrastinating. That’s happening. Let’s acknowledge it instead of pretending I’ll magically become super-productive after watching one more episode.”
See the difference? Acknowledgment = Reality check without the drama.
2. Validate (A) – Because Your Feelings Are Actually Kinda Important
For Coaching Others:
Validation is not about agreeing with a limiting belief—it’s about recognising that their emotions make sense given their experience.
🔷 Example:
Client: “I feel like I’m failing as a leader.”
Coach: “It makes sense that you’d feel that way when you’re under so much pressure. Leadership is tough, and you care about doing it well.”
Boom. No “toxic positivity.” No “Just think happy thoughts!“—just recognition of their experience, which helps them move through it rather than stay stuck in it.
For Self-Coaching:
🔷 Example:
Instead of: “I should be tougher. Why does this even bother me?”
Try: “Of course, this is bothering me. It’s a tough situation, and I care about the outcome. That’s not a weakness—that’s being human.”
(Side note: You don’t have to justify why you feel the way you feel. Feelings are meant to be felt, not negotiated.)
3. Empathise (V) – The Coaching Superpower
For Coaching Others:
Empathy is about stepping into their world and showing that they’re not alone. Sometimes, this means sharing a story. Other times, it’s just sitting with them in their discomfort.
🔷 Example:
Client: “I feel like I’m the only one struggling.”
Coach: “I get that—it can feel isolating. But you’re not alone. A lot of people in your position experience this too. Let’s look at what’s within your control right now.”
This normalises their struggle without dismissing it.
For Self-Coaching:
🔷 Example:
Instead of: “Everyone else seems to have it together except me.”
Try: “Plenty of people feel like this and don’t talk about it. I’m not the first person to go through this, and I won’t be the last.”
Self-empathy isn’t about letting yourself off the hook—it’s about making sure you’re not punching yourself in the face before you even get started.
4. Empower (E) – The ‘Now What?’ Moment
For Coaching Others:
This is where action kicks in—but not in a “go do something just for the sake of it” way. True empowerment is about helping someone see their own ability to move forward.
🔷 Example:
Client: “I don’t know if I can handle this.”
Coach: “I hear you. And also, I know you’ve faced challenges before. What’s one small step that would help you feel just a little bit more in control?”
(Notice that we’re not pushing for giant leaps—momentum starts with small, doable actions.)
For Self-Coaching:
🔷 Example:
Instead of: “I have so much to do, I’ll never get through it.”
Try: “Okay, what’s one thing I can handle right now? Just one.”
One step. One decision. That’s how you move forward.
Bringing It All Together: Coaching Others & Coaching Yourself
- Acknowledge – Recognise the reality of what’s happening without sugarcoating it.
- Validate – Give space for emotions to exist without judgment.
- Empathise – See the human side of the struggle (yours or someone else’s).
- Empower – Focus on small, realistic next steps.
When used well, FAVE creates coaching conversations that actually move people forward—whether that’s your client, your team, or yourself (because let’s be real, self-coaching is sometimes the hardest coaching of all).
And the best part? You can use this anytime, anywhere—no certifications required, just a little self-awareness and a willingness to shift the conversation.
So, what’s your next step? 😉
Onwards and upwards—you’ve got this!