LOVE GIVES AS MUCH AS IT GETS
Love is our essential nutrient. Without it, life has little meaning. It's the best thing we have to give and the most valuable thing we receive. It's worthy of all the hullabaloo. - Martin Luther King Jr.
Over the years, many cultures have written and analysed love and formed it into this complex, indefinable, and often elusive thing. There is no topic that equals the number of poems, songs, and books that have been written about it.
Is love as hard to pinpoint and define as we are led to believe? Is it just that something magically takes place when we connect with some people? Do we like to hold on to the mystery so that somehow we don’t lose the impact or exhilaration?
Or could it be that it is not love that is that complicated, but all the ‘add-on extras’ that we as adults join to this powerful emotion? Let’s leave the ‘suitcases’ at the station for a moment and break down this thing called love.
Basic Elements of Love
I am a firm believer that love is an action, not just a feeling, but what do you feel when you love someone? We know it feels good, but what specific feelings and wantings, are present when we feel love?
Love Embraces:
To embrace someone for all that they are is to accept them and not try to change or mould them. Both parties can be completely at ease to just be themselves. This would be unconditional love. Anything else would mean that when the line was crossed your love would not be at that same place. This is to say that the reason we see so many problems in different forms of relationships is due to it being a conditional love and thus our love fluctuates based on the degree to which we embrace another.
Love Appreciates:
The next step up from embracing is to appreciate. This shifts the focus from the person being fine how they are, to what you truly admire or like about them. To be ‘in love’ with another we are overcome with feeling appreciative to the person we are with for all the things that make them, them. It could be their smile, the joy they bring, their insights and wisdom, their unique sense of humour, and their company and warmth.
Love Gives as Much as It Gets:
To love someone, we want what is best for THEM. This does sometimes differ from what WE think is best for them. We want those we love to be in a good place. To be happy and healthy, safe and content: Be fine-tuned mentally, physically, and spiritually.
How Do We Express Love?
Sometimes we don’t express it. There’s a practical reason we don’t always express our love. Often it’s simply TIME. If the way we expressed love, such as through time, were central to love, we would have to be stingy with who we loved, because there simply wouldn’t be enough time to demonstrate our love for everyone! If you see the distinction between the feeling and the expression, you can then love endless numbers of people.
This said, however, for those whom we love on a deeper level (be it family, close friends, or romantic love) it is essential to make love an action. In ten weeks, when we again discuss the ‘relationships’ pillar of life, we will look at ‘Love In Action’, and explore this topic more fully.
If your experience of loving and being loved isn’t working for you to the degree you would like, then common sense should tell you that you simply must make whatever changes are necessary. And unfortunately, you must begin the change from a point that automatically creates personal discomfort. That starting point is found deep within what is now your comfort zone. If love isn’t working for you, then quite understandably you must step outside the box you’ve grown comfortable with and try new things. Perhaps a deeper understanding of self would be a good place to start. That’s just the way it is.
Three questions to help make this shift:
1. What does love mean for you (e.g., what does it look like)?
2. Do you love who you are and see your own significance?
3. What are you focusing on in other people? Are you trying to find and accept them for who they are?