SELF-FOCUS: CHANGE

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing themselves. - Leo Tolstoy

We often think that if we could just control what somebody else thinks, says, does, and how they perceive us or the world, we would feel peaceful, and happy, and be our ideal selves.

In reality, the only person we need to focus on is ourselves – what we think, say, and do, how we perceive what’s happening around us, and what we are doing to deal with it. I do mean DEAL with it too, not just push it under a rug and avoid it. When we are aware enough to move out of the “I know” mindset, to learn how to be happy with who we are and where we are at, and prioritise some key new concepts, we will be struck by how simple and straightforward it is to experience true emotional well-being.

Concept One - Expanding your worldview (instead of living through a one-sided perspective)

Meditation

Most people’s idea of what meditation is and can be is quite limited. To meditate is to simply draw attention inward and focus one’s mind for a period of time. This could be during reflective journaling, cooking, gardening, daydreaming, or other active or passive tasks where your conscious mind can “check out” and you can move into at least an alpha brainwave range. We all meditate in some form; just some do it consciously, while others do it more unconsciously. What demands some attention is whether when you “zone out” you focus on the “negative” such as fear-based thoughts of the future, a healthy journey into your higher desire, or introspection to see your reflection with less distortion?

You don’t have to become a Zen monk or start humming under a triangular frame to meditate. You just simply need to be in a place to focus your awareness, so you can start to harness your thoughts (as discussed in our last article). By the way, just to be clear, surfing Facebook, texting, or watching TV does not count as meditation (any major input going into your mind from the environment around you in a very relaxed state, such as “alpha”, can be harmful as very little conscious filtering, for example, of garbage TV programs, is functioning).

People have many ways to help them clear their minds of stinkin’ thinkin’ and leave all the current distractions behind.  It could be focusing on your breathing and taking slow, deep breaths, releasing tension a little more on each breath out (the way I like to do it). It could be by counting breaths and focusing on that or by a visualisation that helps focus your thoughts on an imagined experience.

I know how easy it is to get busy and think that we just don’t have enough time, but believe me and try it for yourself, getting into the habit of daily meditation will help you have more clarity and thus operate more efficiently.

With just a few minutes a day of getting into a state of ‘disconnect’ from the world around you, you will feel more peace, have a broader and healthier outlook, and unblock mental space that may be pinned up with negative energy or stress.

There are many meditation techniques out there and you don’t have to make it long or fancy. Focus on something simple, and do it daily (instead of something complex, and do it occasionally!).

Concept 2 – Training The ‘Mighty Me’ Within.

I went to a training session interstate some weeks ago, where they spoke of the ‘mini-me’ or ego. I like to think of it as the ‘mighty me’ the voice that I have trained to encourage me and support me. Our inner voice can either be a ‘mighty me’ or a ‘minimal me’ depending on what we are feeding it. We can be our own worst critics and treat ourselves in ways we would never even think of treating others.

Our ‘Mighty Me’ needs to be fed with encouragement and healthy thoughts. Think about the words you use to describe yourself. Think about how you value yourself and where you see yourself fitting. Why is it seen as a put-down to say to someone “Oh he loves himself he does”. You are worth it and would do well to acknowledge yourself as an individual with a unique blend of characteristics. Through these eyes, you can then see the good in others and continue to grow to see the world through a clearer lens.

The most impactful conversations you will ever have are the ones you have with yourself. Be gentle and respectful; learn to pass on the berating when you make a mistake (remember this is one way we learn). If berating is how you have been treating yourself, it might be time to take responsibility for this behavior and look at changing the patterns to benefit you and thus share the benefits with those you come in contact with. Otherwise, it will halt your journey to your personal achievement, sense of purpose, and personal fulfillment.

The exciting thing to keep in mind here is you have the power, right now, to change this! Some useful tools to do this might consist of various relaxation techniques including meditation, self-hypnosis, or 1-to-1 coaching. Your duty is to give practice to healthier, kinder, and healthier self-talk, ‘taping over’ those unhealthy or self-defeating recorded messages as soon as you catch yourself thinking them. Start paying attention and being conscious of your language and actions, and in time you will change the unhelpful and unhealthy instant reactions.